I Don't Hate My Job. I Resent Who I've Become In It. (Blog post by L Jackman, Career Coach)

I am doing a series of odd odes to words that need reframing in career conversations.

Resentment, the workplace culture no one likes to speak about, needs its place in this

discourse.

Resentment, ressentir. The word "resentment"; traces its roots to 13th-century Old French: re- (again; once more) combined with sentir (to feel, to smell). To resent is to feel again, to feel in turn, to feel strongly, a definition that reveals the cyclical, persistent nature of this powerful emotion. Travel through time to the 21st century where the word is so far removed from its original meaning that it carries only negative connotations.

How did the title make you feel?

Resentment, as part of the human experience and expression, is often feared and

misunderstood. Feared because of how swiftly it grows into bitterness and expands to an

uncontained size leading to a real sense of being eaten away from the inside out. Resentment is found in the vast pool of emotions we have and one that we are uncomfortable admitting we feel. It is a big, electrifying energy that commands attention. There is a misconception that an adult-sized body or chronological age signals an ability to manage or master big, overwhelming feelings like resentment. A misleading thought because formidable emotions require self-awareness, time and intention to master regardless of age. Resentment is electric, fast and quickly lights up the numb parts of yourself, opening the door to feelings of anger and self-preservation.

This beautiful yet potent triad of resentment, anger, and self-preservation can be used in the

process of creation or destruction. You make the choice. To deny its existence and quietly

bottle it up is as destructive as releasing it on someone. Unfortunately, people suppress and

deny this powerful cocktail because they only see it as destructive. But what if you could

harness the power of resentment into creating the change in career you desperately want?

What if you direct the energy of resentment toward the stagnation and ineffectiveness that

stop your professional growth? What if this can be used to return you to the place of passion,

igniting the ability to feel again? Resentment can be reframed as a type of career intelligence that can move you out of stuck and steer you to what you really want.

Conventional thought views resentment only through a negative, toxic lens and sees it as something to be quelled or medicated away. However, anything not mastered, managed or is excessive can become negative and toxic; think of love, kindness and confidence. Practising gratitude, finding silver linings, and maintaining professional composure are tools to counteract resentment. That said, are you practising these things while pretending the feelings of resentment have been dealt with?

Gratitude and similar feelings are necessary to include in your way of life but seeing these as

the only useful tools ignores a perspective that resentment is often the psyche's early

warning system, alerting you to environments where your growth and potential may be

stagnant. Did you feel a sharp pang of resentment when passed over for a promotion you believe you deserved? Rather than seeing only negativity, consider this emotion might be signaling your awareness of your own capabilities and worth. The professional who is angry at being micromanaged isn't necessarily difficult but may be responding with resentment to an environment that treats them as less capable than they are.

Resentment has the power to reveal who you've become and you may resent this unfamiliar person masquerading as you. Resentment in the workplace often stems from a mismatch of when your internal sense of possibilities and self exceeds your external circumstances. It emerges when you know you're capable of more but find you are constrained by others' limited perceptions, outdated systems, or risk-averse cultures. Please note this is grounded in the reality of an individual’s proven track record of consistent, quality performance coupled with real qualifications. In other words, you should also be careful of misdirected resentment if you have not put in the work to gain experience or develop a skill.  

The idea is for resentment to become a compass pointing toward potential and possibilities

and not an arrow carelessly fired to avoid personal responsibility, accountability and self-

awareness. Further consideration perhaps points to an employee who never has a moment of resentment at work as the one we should have some concern about. While there are some who have no aspirations for higher positions, complete contentment in professional settings can signal complacency and a willingness to accept whatever is offered without questioning whether more is possible. How does this translate to work quality or innovation?

The absence of any moments of resentment might indicate that someone has stopped

dreaming, stopped growing, stopped caring about the company or worse, stopped believing they deserve better.

How does this conflict with the growth message so many companies state in their vision? Have you mentally checked out? What have you observed in your team sessions?

The purpose of this piece is not to romanticize workplace suffering, attack those who are

content and in a good place or suggest that all resentment is justified. Rather, it is sharing a

perspective that seeks to understand how you can use these big emotions to propel you

forward into the places you want to be. The key lies in distinguishing between resentment

that stagnates and resentment that positively moves you. One view of resentment keeps you

trapped in victimhood while the other propels you toward agency. One always complains,

"this is unfair"; and stops there but the other reflects and asks, "What positive thing are you

going to do about it?".

Resentment that sparks questions, fuels the courage to speak up or seek change, that refuses to accept mediocrity or situations as permanent is found in people who practice self-

awareness, accountability, know their worth, actively seek change and refuse to settle. The key isn’t to fester in resentment, anger, self-preservation and bitterness but to become reflective through intentional inquiry. Intentional inquiry are crucial questions like Where/how can you direct this powerful energy into positive meaningful action? It is through your willingness to use resentment's potent force to help you transform this raw emotion into strategic advantages while maintaining your professional composure.

Message to book a complimentary consultation to explore what’s possible on the other side of stuck.